A little human
Hello my dear diary,
I am here again, trying to systemize some of my thoughts. Last Sunday as usually I had our morning weekends conversation with my dear septemberrain. We were discussing a lot of things as usual. Every time after them I have much to think about. That’s why I appreciate them too much. This time our finish line was to take out some Tarot cards asking a question “what is a perfect fitting man for us?”. The Golden wheel is a quite new deck for me. I am still in progress with them, they could be harsh sometimes and point to the details, I’ve never accepted. This question had been flowing in my mind for the last few weeks, because of my state of inner changings. I had been waiting to see at least one of the “Man” cards like the Emperor or one of the Kings. But the answer was unpredictable but true. The “ideal” type should be similar to us. Like a “mini copy” of ourselves with the core sides of personality but who strengthens our “bright” sides and shadows the dark. And their explanation of a perfect fit makes me thing about all about psychological researches and articles dedicated partnership, love and family at all. “The another person should be a mirror of yourself, a slight different but you’. So then I have the Hermit nature. And I can’t disagree with it. Even in those times I don’t feel bored or stressed with myself. I have always something to do and to learn about the world and myself without leaving the house. And when my school years were full of mess, I could shout down from the outer world and got fine with my thoughts . it’s like to alone around the crown and the crowd for myself.
And today, walking around a spring park, I remember a person who is the Hermit too. The call of the past. The shadow of my live and the biggest secret. Only few persons know about him. One of them is connected to him too. Our guardian. Our guide through bad times. The first thing I remember about him, he was always busy working with books and documents, writing something and studying, As busy as a bee and stumble as a mule. I’ve remembered only the silhouette and his clear blue eyes. Nothing more about his appearance. I can remember how sometimes I visited his study with a book. There was my place by the window. I was reading my book or just having rest with a cuppa of tea. The past life isn’t the easiest thing to remember. And I know well, it’s not a play of my imagination. So much is my presence from the past. I’m talking not only about memories. “Finally you’ve remembered’. Not as well, but I see much progress in it. It’s not more than a shadow.
So, who we really are? And the answer is still in progress. Changings are not so fast as we expect and not so clear to understand them right. I needed years to understand my “true self” and the courage not to run away from the powers. Who would respect you more than yourself? Maybe the only your other side you.
Anyway I’ve got lots to thing about and much work to do. The inner Judgment card is on the move and it means I have much to open and leave behind. The wheels are running. Here we go
I am here again, trying to systemize some of my thoughts. Last Sunday as usually I had our morning weekends conversation with my dear septemberrain. We were discussing a lot of things as usual. Every time after them I have much to think about. That’s why I appreciate them too much. This time our finish line was to take out some Tarot cards asking a question “what is a perfect fitting man for us?”. The Golden wheel is a quite new deck for me. I am still in progress with them, they could be harsh sometimes and point to the details, I’ve never accepted. This question had been flowing in my mind for the last few weeks, because of my state of inner changings. I had been waiting to see at least one of the “Man” cards like the Emperor or one of the Kings. But the answer was unpredictable but true. The “ideal” type should be similar to us. Like a “mini copy” of ourselves with the core sides of personality but who strengthens our “bright” sides and shadows the dark. And their explanation of a perfect fit makes me thing about all about psychological researches and articles dedicated partnership, love and family at all. “The another person should be a mirror of yourself, a slight different but you’. So then I have the Hermit nature. And I can’t disagree with it. Even in those times I don’t feel bored or stressed with myself. I have always something to do and to learn about the world and myself without leaving the house. And when my school years were full of mess, I could shout down from the outer world and got fine with my thoughts . it’s like to alone around the crown and the crowd for myself.
And today, walking around a spring park, I remember a person who is the Hermit too. The call of the past. The shadow of my live and the biggest secret. Only few persons know about him. One of them is connected to him too. Our guardian. Our guide through bad times. The first thing I remember about him, he was always busy working with books and documents, writing something and studying, As busy as a bee and stumble as a mule. I’ve remembered only the silhouette and his clear blue eyes. Nothing more about his appearance. I can remember how sometimes I visited his study with a book. There was my place by the window. I was reading my book or just having rest with a cuppa of tea. The past life isn’t the easiest thing to remember. And I know well, it’s not a play of my imagination. So much is my presence from the past. I’m talking not only about memories. “Finally you’ve remembered’. Not as well, but I see much progress in it. It’s not more than a shadow.
So, who we really are? And the answer is still in progress. Changings are not so fast as we expect and not so clear to understand them right. I needed years to understand my “true self” and the courage not to run away from the powers. Who would respect you more than yourself? Maybe the only your other side you.
Anyway I’ve got lots to thing about and much work to do. The inner Judgment card is on the move and it means I have much to open and leave behind. The wheels are running. Here we go